i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
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Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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