She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
