Need sex. Gaining weight.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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