**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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