you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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