White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
