I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
