My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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