Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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