She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
