She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
