Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
