WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
