I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
