I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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