I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
