my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i think i have two assholes
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
