Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
