wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
