it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
