trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I looked at my own cervix.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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