I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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