No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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