I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
