he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
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