I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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