He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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