you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
