I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
