I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
two words: eviction party
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
