I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
