I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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