She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
