just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
So apparently I’m into choking now
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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