seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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