i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
