there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
