It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
