I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
