the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
