Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
