found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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