11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
