she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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