cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
