theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
