New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
