finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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