Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Text me some of your sweat
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