I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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