this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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