I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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