If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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