Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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