Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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