Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
