In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
