how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
