If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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