you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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