Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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