I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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