last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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