I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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