every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
