My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
