so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
