So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
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The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
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how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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