So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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