another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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