Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
