Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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